


Love

by grayscale



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 16:32:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayscale/pseuds/grayscale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yagyuu goes to college in England determined not to miss Niou.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> I hate how I've never found a happy fic for Platinum Pair where they last past high school, so I decided to remedy that. Written in 2009.

When Yagyuu announces, at the beginning of senior year, that he'll be attending Oxford next year, Niou asks him what the hell that is. When Yagyuu explains that it is the best university in England and he'll be studying pre-med there, Niou stares at him for a moment, utters some choice obscenities, informs Yagyuu that he hates his guts and is never going to speak to him again, and storms off. Yagyuu has a sinking suspicion that the only thing keeping him at practice after that is the threat of death evident in Yukimura's smile, but he assures himself that Niou will get over it soon. After all, it's not like they'll never see one another again; Yagyuu will be home for vacations and he'll still have a cell phone. He'll be back in Japan after college, certainly; he's not planning on practicing, or even going to med school, really, abroad. It's only, as his parents have explained, to broaden his horizons and make him unique so that he'll be more likely to get ahead in life. And it's only for four years. 

When Niou pretends as if Yagyuu does not exist for the next week and a half, Yagyuu almost, almost panics. He tells himself he's being stupid and Niou can do whatever the hell he likes, but even he cannot deny how relieved he is when Niou drags him behind the science building before practice the next Friday and murmurs, "I fucking hate you," before pressing a fierce kiss to his lips. Later that night, as they lay beside one another, not too close but not too far apart, either, on Yagyuu's floor, Yagyuu tells himself that it's because Niou is his best friend, Niou is the only person to whom Yagyuu really ever opens himself at all, Niou is the only person who understands him. He pretends to be surprised when he wakes up with Niou wrapped tightly in his arms, face resting against his chest, the sweetest little smile Yagyuu has ever seen resting on his lips. 

...

Yagyuu remembers the last switch very clearly. It's after school is done but before Yagyuu leaves for university; he spends the night with Niou and then they're one another the whole next day. They hit the street courts, the shopping arcade, the houses of various other former Rikkai Regulars. When they get to Yagyuu's house to spend the night, Yagyuu feels a bit of a lump in his throat; he's grown to expect this, to take his second identity as Niou for granted. He doesn't want to go to bed, doesn't want to have to wake up to his own life permanently in the morning, and as a result, goads Niou into fucking him five times throughout the course of the night. He knows, lying there with his head resting against Niou's shoulder, that he'll be sore in the morning, but for some reason, this doesn't bother him. He tells himself firmly that it's better when he's being himself and therefore on top, but yet, with the excuse of being Niou, he can't quite stop himself from snuggling just a little closer as he drifts off to sleep. 

...

The weeks before he leaves for school, Yagyuu's life suddenly gets very hectic. His parents, who have been pushing him and pushing him to go to school overseas since he was twelve, suddenly sprout emotions out of nowhere and, for the first time in Yagyuu's memory, want to spend time with him, want to make him happy, want to love him before he leaves. Family he never knew he had starts to pop up out of the woodwork, and, overnight, his life becomes a long list of family obligations so much so that he can barely find time to pack. 

The Wednesday night just under a week before his flight, Yagyuu is doing his best to get his winter clothing packed into one large suitcase when there's a knock at his window. Without looking, he knows its Niou and undoes the latch with a raised eyebrow. "I'm rather busy right now, Niou-kun, and I trust you have packing and such to do, as well." 

He didn't expect Niou to listen and isn't surprised as he worms his way through, climbing to the floor by way of Yagyuu's bookshelf. "You've been busy all the time. I wanted to see you before you go." 

Yagyuu ignores him as he falls onto Yagyuu's immaculately made bed, going back to the suitcase. Somewhere inside of him, he knows that he's going to miss Niou, that he wants to see Niou, too, but for some reason, he can't make himself voice it, and instead, finds himself, as always, pushing Niou away. If he were Niou, it would be different... but he isn't Niou, he reminds himself, he'll never be Niou again. He's Yagyuu, and he has to learn to like it, so doesn't look up as he responds. "There's no need to be dramatic. It's not like you'll never see me again." 

There's silence for a few minutes, then the rustle of sheets as Niou stands. Yagyuu's stomach flip-flops; he knows it was his choice to say it, but suddenly he's afraid he's upset Niou, that Niou's going to leave and then Yagyuu will go to Europe and he doesn't want to leave Niou on that note (doesn't want to leave Niou at all). He's in the middle of panicking and telling himself not to when he feels a hand on his shoulder, and then all his thoughts are wiped away as Niou turns him around and kisses him firmly on the lips. 

Yagyuu has kissed Niou many, many times before, both as himself and as Niou, but they've never kissed quite like this. There's something different, something more in this than what Yagyuu's used to. It's not the roughest kiss they've shared, not by far, nor is it the gentlest, nor the longest, nor the most heated, and Yagyuu can't quite place his finger on it, but he gives up trying when he feels Niou's hands around his waist, pulling him closer, and he lets his eyes fall closed and just kisses back, and for a moment, Niou is the only other person in the world. 

But then Niou draws back, just slightly, and looks him in the eyes, and Yagyuu isn't quite sure what to say. He's panting and he knows his face is flushed and his glasses askew, and it's always his instinct to draw away and straighten himself up, make it look as if the kiss never happened. But Niou's gaze hold him in somehow, and Niou doesn't back down as he murmurs against Yagyuu's lips, "I'm going to miss you." 

Yagyuu doesn't reply, even as Niou finally draws away and leaves the way he came, but stands and watches in silence, unsure of what to think. It's only lying in bed later that night, unable to sleep, that he realizes that he's really going to miss Niou, too. 

...

After the first month of college, Yagyuu can't figure out why he's so stressed. Sure, schoolwork is difficult and there's a lot of it, but he's always been a hard worker and has never had much of a need to blow off stress in stupid ways. So why he's finding the urge to tear his hair out, or worse, go out and party, Yagyuu can't understand. 

It's not until he finally takes a break and allows his roommate to drag him to the theatre group's production of Twelfth Night that he realizes-- he wants to be Niou. It's not really that he wants to go out and party or drink or do anything stupid and out of character, he just wants to be someone else so that he doesn't have to be in character, so that he can do what he pleases without fear of the consequences. Whenever he's been stressed for the past four years, Yagyuu has had the option of becoming someone else to deal with it, and now that he no longer has that option, he doesn't know what to do with himself. 

Worst of all, on top of the stress, Yagyuu can't get Niou off of his mind for the rest of the evening. It's been a little over a month since he's had any sort of sex, and the thought of his doubles partner is so attractive and desirous and _impossible_ that he almost wants to cry. In the end, he breaks down and, huddled under the covers, praying that his roommate is asleep, he gets himself off with a rough whisper of Niou's name on his lips. 

In the morning, he pushes the thoughts from his mind and pretends it never happened. 

...

As a remedy, Yagyuu tries dating girls. 

It's not so hard, really, when he thinks to try, he's attractive and debonair and they bat their eyelashes back at him and let him buy them coffee and sweets at the local cafe. They're all slightly different but, to Yagyuu, mostly the same; they're a little softer, a little squishier than he's used to, rounder at the edges and fuller at the top and the bottom. They're all very nice, academic girls, and he manages to force himself to date the best of the lot for a whole two weeks even, but it's all to no avail. They simply won't suffice. They may be cute and sweet and smart and kind, but they're not Niou. 

"Why?" asks his last girlfriend tearfully when he tells her it just isn't going to work out. 

"Because I don't like girls," he replies offhandedly, because it makes her shut up and leave him alone. It's only much later, alone in his dorm room, that he realizes complete truth of his words. He doesn't even bother to deny it to himself this time, because his mind simply isn't up to the challenge. Besides, he's going to the right college pursuing the right profession-- his parents can deal with his being gay. 

...

Niou is waiting for him at the airport when he arrives home for summer vacation. 

"How did you find out my flight number?" Yagyuu asks skeptically, not allowing Niou to take any of his bags. 

"Got it off of Marui," Niou replies off-handedly with a shrug and a lazy grin, and Yagyuu fights back the urge to kiss him right there in the terminal.

"You're a liar. I never told Marui," he replies instead, looking at Yagyuu with a raised eyebrow over the rims of his glasses. 

Niou shakes his head and laughs, and Yagyuu doesn't press the matter because he knows he won't ever get an answer. He follows Niou to the train and sits beside him, taking in all the familiar sights and feeling quite a bit more sentimental than he would like. It's a little while before he feels Niou's breath against his face, a sensation which makes his pulse quicken against his will, and hears Niou's nasal murmur against his ear: "Can I spend the night, Yaaaaaagyuu?" 

Being Niou again is a glorious, glorious thing, and Yagyuu's practically giddy all the next day, causing his parents to shake their heads and sigh and murmur under their breath to Niou about "that Niou boy's" bad behaviour, but Yagyuu hardly cares. He'd never, ever admit it, but he loves being Niou, and, from the smug smile the Niou gives him back behind opaquely-shining glasses, Niou's pleased, too. 

Yagyuu feels like there must be something wrong with how turned on his _own_ appearance makes him while he's being Niou, but there's just something about seeing Niou looking so prim and proper and reserved in his clothes and his hair and, oh god, the way he looks in the glasses-- Yagyuu feels neither here nor there about his own appearance; when he looks in the mirror, he's bored, really, on any regular day, but looking at Niou when he's being Yagyuu... that's just a whole different story, and by the time he pulls Niou down on top of him in bed that evening, Yagyuu feels like he might explode. 

But then Niou is pulling off his clothing very meticulously and he's flinging Niou's glasses aside, tugging at his shirt and feeling _satisfaction_ when he hears one of the buttons pop off entirely, and it feels like forever before he finally gets Niou _inside_ of him, but oh god, when he finally does, it's like tomorrow will never come, because nothing has ever felt this good to Yagyuu in his entire life. 

Of course, it only makes leaving at the end of break that much worse to bear. 

...

As a remedy, Yagyuu tries dating boys. 

It's not so hard, really, when he thinks to try, he's attractive and debonair and they smile sheepishly back at him and let him get them drinks at campus parties. They're all slightly different but, to Yagyuu, mostly the same; they're a little smaller, a little slighter than he's used to, pretty and slender without much muscle tone. They're all very nice, academic boys, and he manages to force himself to date the best of the lot for a whole two weeks even, but it's all to no avail. They simply won't suffice. They may be cute and sweet and smart and kind, but they're not Niou. 

"Why?" asks his last boyfriend tearfully when he tells him it just isn't going to work out. 

"Because I love someone else," he replies offhandedly, because it makes him shut up and leave him alone. It's only much later, alone in his dorm room, that he realizes complete truth of his words. At this point, he doesn't know what to do, because that can't be true, it can't. Yagyuu isn't in love with Niou. It's simply impossible. 

Even if the fact that he wakes up the next morning to soiled sheets, sweating and with tears in his eyes, speaks differently. He says nothing as he washes his sheets. His roommate asks who "Masaharu" is. 

...

By November, Yagyuu's mind has taken to playing devil's advocate. He is rather displeased with this, as he has enough work to be doing already, but his mind seems to be of the opinion that thoughts of Niou are much more important than dedication to his workload. Yagyuu has no choice but to give in, and, as much as he hates it, nowadays, Niou is always on his mind. 

It's somewhat of a problem, after all. He knows he can't be in love with Niou, because Niou is his best friend and his doubles partner and even if they fuck, it doesn't make them soul mates, or any such nonsense, and there's no way Niou would want to make a relationship out of it, because classic dating would ruin what they already have, and that aside, his parents dislike Niou and he hasn't even come out to them yet, and they're expecting him to get married and produce grandchildren for them, and Yagyuu really, really can't picture Niou in a pink apron in front of the stove with a baby in one arm, despite how amusing the mental image might be. 

This is all very clearly laid out and logical, and yet, his mind argues back that he's clearly in love with Niou. 

And there really isn't much of an argument that Yagyuu can give, because as much as he doesn't want to be, he simply _is_. 

That doesn't mean, however, that he has to stop denying it. 

...

"Yaaaaagyuu," Niou drawls, grinning sidewardly at him. It's winter vacation and they're sitting on the balcony of Niou's apartment leaning over the railing. Niou is dressed in tight jeans and a sweatshirt and a winter jacket over that, his old Rikkai muffler wrapped tightly around his neck. His hair's been cut shorter recently-- Yagyuu doesn't really like it, misses the old rat tail-- but it's still bleached. He doesn't look much different than the way he did in high school, the way Yagyuu always imagines him late at night. 

"Yes?" he replies politely, turning to look at Niou slightly. Unlike Niou's casual getup, Yagyuu is wearing dress slacks and a pale green collared shirt and a navy blue peacoat buttoned up all the way to the top, even just to go see Niou. Niou had made fun of him for it, and Yagyuu, ever the gentleman, had said nothing. 

"I was thinking..." Niou trails, turning to rest his elbows and back against the railing instead, breaking away from Yagyuu's gaze, "Have you ever been in love?" 

Fuck. "Why do you ask?" Yagyuu is calm, careful, collected as always, despite the brief internal panic. 

Niou shrugs, looking up at the bottom of the balcony on the floor above them, and for a few minutes, he is silent. When he doesn't respond, the fear begins to build in Yagyuu's throat again, this time for an entirely different reason, one that he's loathe to admit-- but what if Niou has found someone else? The thought of nights without Niou, the thought of days entirely alone, the thought of being stuck in his own abysmal life for the rest of his existence... it's too much to bear. But Niou says nothing, only pushes away from the railing and begins to walk back inside with a shrug. "No reason." 

For the first time in his life that he can remember, Yagyuu acts _before_ he things. His hand shoots out, clutches Niou's shoulder, and Niou stops, turns to face him, his face questioning but entirely unreadable. 

"Niou-kun," Yagyuu says unsteadily, because it's all he can think to say. He's never gotten himself into a position like this before, he's never made such an uncalculated move. Love has made him stupid, he thinks sourly, and is about to let go when Niou suddenly grins, shoves him against the railing, and kisses him. 

It would be romantic if Yagyuu could say that he's never experienced a kiss like this before, but he has, that one time, the Wednesday before he left for school for the first time, with Niou, in his bedroom. It's the same in every way and yet somehow more intense, like every feeling behind it is super-saturated and more dense, and this time, Yagyuu's the one to put his arms around Niou's waist, and he feels Niou, the cocky bastard, grin against his lips. 

When Niou draws back, just slightly, and looks him in the eyes, Yagyuu doesn't try to say anything. He's panting and he knows his face is flushed and his glasses askew, and he doesn't even try to pull away, to straighten up, to make it look as if the kiss never happened. He simply looks into Niou's eyes, and Niou grins all the more and says against his lips, "I think I love you." 

Yagyuu doesn't reply, but when Niou tries to draw away, Yagyuu pulls him close and kisses him again. He doesn't know what's going to happen, doesn't know how things will play out, but he's in love with Niou, and for right now, that's enough.


End file.
